Bittersweet Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I woke up to 2 beautiful, smiling faces. I had to bribe Kaylyn into saying "Happy Mother's day" with chocolate milk, but it was still sweet hearing her say it. I ate pancakes for breakfast. We called Grammy to wish her a happy day too.

I did a ton of laundry, which I hate doing, but always feel so relieved after I get it done. My husband came home from work with 2 cards, one from the kids and one from him. Both were absolutely adorable! My present was a receipt for a new crepe maker, which I had asked for since mine got destroyed by a stove accident, so I'm looking forward to having it delivered this week.

I had brussels sprouts for lunch (I know, I'm weird, but they are like candy to me). While the kids napped, I packed up a bunch of things into our new travel trailer. (I don't think I've mentioned that yet on the blog...I'll have to take pictures soon!) I did more laundry. When the kids woke up we played and watched TV. As Chris made dinner for me, I snuck away to watch an episode of Days of our Lives (yes, I'm a soap opera junky.) Then I enjoyed cheese fondue and a great bottle of wine with my husband.

I stole of bunch of kisses from Jack as I was getting him ready for bed. I love how when I say, "Give me kiss!" he leans in with this big grin, his mouth wide-open and tongue sticking out. Maybe someday he'll learn to pucker those lips instead, but for now I adore those slobbery kisses. I kissed his sweet soft cheeks a hundred times, laid him in his crib and said good night. He always waves goodbye to me.

After Jack went to bed, Chris and I took Kaylyn out to the trailer to play a bit. (We're so excited about our trailer, we have to go out a few times to day to look at it!) Then after watching a little TV, I took Kaylyn into the bathroom to get ready for bed. We did our hand scrub, I brushed her teeth. She looked into the mirror and said, "I have beautiful eyes. They're blue, like Mommy's."

After we were ready for bed, I went into the playroom to shut the window, and as I came out of the room, Kaylyn showed me her doll and asked, "Does my baby have a heartbeat?"

What am I supposed to say?

I explained to her that her baby was a doll, and that she doesn't have a heart (like that's supposed to make sense to a 2-year-old). Then she points to my belly and asks, "Does the baby in your belly have a heartbeat?" Oh how I wish I still had that heartbeat inside of me.

I explained to her that the baby in my belly was gone, that she was with God now and was an angel looking down at us. Kaylyn pouted her lip and said, "The doctors took the baby out." I said yes, they did, and the baby wasn't going to come back. And I told her if someday there's another baby in my belly, that she'd be the first to know.

Then we all went to bed, Kaylyn snuggled next to me like always. She told Daddy to "stop snoring!" several times. I watched her as she fell asleep, this tiny little version of me all wrapped up in my arms. I cried a little, wondering if she'd ever understand what took place in that doctor's office just over a month ago. I'm not sure I want her to understand.

It was a bittersweet Mother's Day. I am so blessed to have these two beautiful perfect children. I thank God for them every day. They are my miracles. My heart is wrapped around those kids. Being a mother is the most wonderful privilege in the world. I love being a mommy.