My dream about Jack

One of the things I wanted to share about my D&C (trust me, there's not a lot I want to share...) was the dream I had about Jack while I was under the anesthesia.

As I was coming out of the anesthesia, I realized I had been dreaming about Jack. It seemed like a long dream, like perhaps I was dreaming it the entire time I was out, but who really knows. I don't remember the details of what it was about, only that it was about Jack. You know when you have a wonderful dream but don't remember the details no matter how much you tell yourself to try and remember, and you get so mad? That's how it was...I just remember dreaming of him and waking up thinking, "Oh darn...don't wake up...what a great dream about Jack." Then I was awake and realized where I was and realized the surgery was all over.

But anyway...I think it was God or perhaps just my unconscious self telling me everything was ok, to remember my children at home, and I felt like Jack was holding me as I woke up. Don't take this wrong...you all know how much I love Kaylyn, she is the love of my life... But Jack...Jack is my kindred spirit. We definitely knew each other in another life. And there is nothing in the world that makes me feel better than when I hug and hold him in my arms. Nothing.

So when I was waiting for Chris and Karen to come to my recovery room, I couldn't wait to tell them about the dream. Karen told me how relieved she was to come into that room and see how happy I was to see them, and see a smile on my face, and it was all because of that dream.

Later tonight Chris told me that telling him about the dream made him feel so good. He thinks because Jack was the last baby to be in my womb, that perhaps he was helping this little baby all along, and was somehow with her when she was taken from my body. I was surprised to hear him say something like that, I never even thought about that possibility.

All I can say is that dream I think helped me more than anything else today. I can only hope that maybe someday I will have it again, and be able to remember it next time.