EDD

Today was my EDD. My Estimated Due Date.

This week was actually harder on me than today actually was. I've gone months now thinking, "I'd be ___ weeks along now...I'd be feeling the baby move...we could know the sex..." The list seems endless.

But this week, this was the week I would have had my baby. Knowing I would have had a C-section, my baby would already be here before today. Today seems more like the end, the end of what though, I'm not exactly sure.

Kaylyn hadn't asked about "Karlie" since Mother's Day. All of a sudden, a couple of weeks ago she started asking again.

Kaylyn: "Where is Karlie? Is she still in your belly?"
Mommy: "No honey, Karlie isn't there anymore, remember? She's with God."
Kaylyn: "Why is she with God? Why is she with God? Why is she with God?"
Mommy (crying): "I don't know honey..."
Kaylyn: "Why are you crying Mommy?"
Mommy: "Because I miss Karlie."
Kaylyn: "I miss Karlie too. It's ok Mommy, we will get another baby for your belly."

Later, she asked me if "her friend" (God) talks to Karlie. I said yes, He does. She doesn't even understand who God is...how do you explain to a 2-year-old?

So know I guess I start a new phase...the phase where I think, "I should have a 1-month-old, a 2-month-old...she would be smiling, laughing...walking, talking..." That phase, well, I'm thinking that phase may never end.

I really miss my angel.